Tantrums. Terrible Twos. They do not make us feel like we are winning in parenting – at all! But there is not a single parent who never faces down this writhing ball of screaming energy that makes us question everything we ever knew.
And oh boy, does everybody have a “solution” for those “terrible twos.” But what if they were not so terrible after all?
What if it was all a part of a huge secret your toddler was keeping from you? They must experience this crazy, unpredictable, wondrous, frustrating life in all its glory. That when emotions show up, they demand to be experienced. And every toddler gets to feel ALL the emotions that make us human.
We’ll say it once: we’ll say it a thousand times. Sometimes, you have to scream it out. And for frustration or disappointment to do its good work (we know, it does NOT sound like good work at the time!), it must flow through that little human so they can figure out what to do with it.
This is why tantrums are NOT teachable moments. Now, don’t get us wrong. The time AFTER a tantrum is most certainly teachable. And this is why we ‘pick our moments.’ (HUG moments, in fact!) And suppose you have familiarized yourself with Moms on Call's Toddler by Design, Toddler book, or any of our toddler resources. In that case, you will be familiar with that magic moment when your child’s heart is open for instruction. And you will be prepared, when it matters, to get the most out of the teachable after-tantrum moments. Check out how we can get the best results out of the worst moments.
How do you handle the terrible twos?
So, that helps with how to manage your toddlers. But what about you? You are frustrated, too! Let’s have a few words for the Tantrum Atmosphere Managers (That’s you!)
Even if you do not follow some prescribed “method” (including ours), you do not search for three hours online to find a tribe of like-minded tantrum sufferers, even if you give them what they want to get through the moment. You are still a good parent.
We do not have to be perfect to be effective.
Who has the solutions to your problems? We believe that you do. It’s in there – it just needs a little confidence to coax it out into the open. Some days, we do the next right thing. On other days, simple saves us. Most effective parents have a limited vocabulary. “I’m gonna run away from here.” Reply: “I’ll love you wherever you live.” Just because they do not ‘want to’ does not mean that they ‘can’t’.
What’s a mom’s superpower? We have this uncanny ability to believe in the best in our kids, even when they are showing us the worst. It’s okay to be creative; sometimes you must make up rules on the fly, like “No passing gas at the dinner table.”
Parenting is a lot like a Nike commercial: Just do it! Even if we don't feel like it, even if it is hard…we don't have to be the very best that ever was – we do not have to be the GOAT. Lay down those lofty expectations and be free to…just do it. Your voice of hope is the first voice of hope your child will ever hear, and you should hear it, too. Even in the midst of a tantrum, you are doing a very important, very
difficult thing, and we are FOR you. You’ve got this.
You are something worth saving. In the mounds of diapers, snot, and hardship – you are still important, and those times you feel like you matter the least are the exact times you matter most.
