I have to be honest. My kryptonite is people who want me to fail. If I know somebody is out there that wants me to fail, that is thirsty for me to fail, then it undermines my ability to move forward and do the best work that I know I can do. Something misfires inside of me. Often times, in the frustration of the daily challenges with our kids, we want for their success but we expect their failure. We expect that they can’t do it because we’ve seen them NOT DO IT over and over and over.
However, there is an undermining that happens in a child when we want for their success but we expect them to fail. Over the past 27 years, we have had the privilege of interacting with so many wonderful families. One of the first questions that we’ll ask a client is “do you believe they can do it” and unequivocally, undeniably, parents look us in the face and say “yes”. Sometimes we’ll get a “I’m not sure. It’s been a long road” or “It does not look like it” with that touch of sarcasm. But at the core of who we are as parents….we believe. So, today we’re going to talk about how to “want for their success and expect it”.
I want to tell you a story about one of my children. As he was leaving my house, recently (he is in college and very very very bright), I went outside and said “Babe, I just want you to know, you can do anything that you put your mind to. You really can. I’m not just saying this because I am your mom. You are properly, scholastically brilliant and you do have those tools at your disposal.” To which he looked me right in the face and replied with aplomb, “I know”. The confidence on his face made me smile and I thought to myself…’I have done my work here. I have absolutely done my job.’ That’s where we’re headed when we encourage parents to communicate that they believe in their kids. If anybody tells your kid that they are really good at the things they really are, we want their response to be “I know”. Why?, So they know! Because you, the parent, knew it first and YOU would not relent.
What ways can we communicate to our kids that we are on their side and that life is not us against them or us against their behavior? Instead, it is us helping them through that behavior and giving them the opportunities that they need to be human, to disappoint, to fail and to feel and to try - multiple times. We are their biggest cheerleader and when we believe in them and we want for their success (and we expect it); we can completely change the atmosphere of what’s going on in our households.
Sometimes it feels demanding and sometimes it feels unreasonable and it most definitely oftentimes feels hard; but once you get used to this way of life, it begins to feel satisfying…it begins to feel great… and it begins to feel effective. So, that’s where we’re going today.
How do we send consistent messages that will let our kids know that, not only do we want for their success, but we expect it?
- Be realistic about developmental stages (unsure what that looks like – don’t google it, let a MOC consultant help you navigate). We are not asking you to expect a miracle. We are just expecting that they may try several times before they get the hang of things.
- Believe in them. Believe in them. Believe in them.
- Believe in yourself. And here’s the magic of what we have had the opportunity to do over and over again for parents. If nobody has told you that they believe in your ability to uphold the things that are important to you in your household and your ability to uphold the standard for your kids and the things that you know that they are capable of doing; we want the privilege of being that voice. There’s absolute magic in believing that you can and that’s part of what we do at Moms On call, we support the one supporting the kids. So, today we want you to know, we want for your success. We expect good things from you. We will not be disappointed if you try and you don’t get it the first time, or the second, or the third, or if it makes you upset or angry or frustrated at times. That is all normal. But we will ALWAYS believe that you can do it. And that’s powerful and it’s powerful for your kids.
- Communicate that you believe in them. This is where that nighttime routine comes in. “I love you, I believe in you and I’ll see you when the sun comes up. Remember, you are a Walker and Walkers are good to people”. It is a nightly mantra that we believe in you, we believe in ourselves and you have somewhere to belong.
- Let our actions align with our words - and in so doing become that trustworthy voice of not only hope but hopeful expectation. The voice that believes in you is powerful and it’s more powerful than even what we are trying to get them to do. So, every night, make it a habit of telling your kids you believe in them. You do not have to be perfect, just be present, be hopeful and expect them to do good things. And put your own spin on it so it reflects the incredible, unique qualities of YOUR family.
Moms on Call has many resources, tips and tricks that are judgement free and help you parent out of truth and not fear. Our Online Video Courses and books cover everything you need to know including feeding, sleeping, typical day schedules, FAQs and so much more! Our swaddle blankets, apps and certified consultant network will support you as you use the Moms on Call method. Sign up for our newsletter to join the Family!
