Moms on Call Question & Answer Series: Toddlers

How do I handle meltdowns?

Meltdowns: When your toddler has a meltdown, it can be challenging, but understanding their unique design can make a world of difference! Meltdowns often stem from frustration, not understanding the world around them, or the inability to communicate or reason. Knowing your toddler’s design will help you tailor your approach—take the free Toddler by Design quiz in our Knowledge Center to learn more!

Here’s how to handle those tough moments:

• Stay calm – Your child will feed off your energy, so keeping yourself centered is key.

• Use simple phrases – Try calm, reassuring language like, "I know you're frustrated, let’s take a walk outside," or, "Can you show me your inside voice?" This helps acknowledge their feelings and gives them a clear, simple action.

• Try whispering – Sometimes lowering your voice encourages them to focus on listening, which can diffuse the tension.

• If needed, move to a safe spot – If they’re unable to reset, gently move them to their safe space. Give them the time and opportunity to calm down before offering what we call the Moms On Call HUG moment, where you reconnect and comfort them.

• Distraction is your friend – It can be as simple as pointing out a bird outside or offering a new activity. Distraction helps redirect their attention from frustration to something new.

By keeping these tips handy and knowing their design, you'll be better equipped to navigate meltdowns with confidence!

My toddler will not go poop on the potty. What can I do?

Pooping on the Potty: Helping your toddler poop on the potty can be smoother when you know their unique design! With the Moms on Call Potty By Design resource, paired with knowing your child’s design, you can create a tailored, positive experience.

What we can do to help:

• Know their design – Take the free Toddler by Design quiz in the Knowledge Center and check out the Potty By Design resources to find approaches that match your child’s personality.

• Read the “Super Duper Pooper” book – A fun, rhyming book with real-life pictures helps them understand the process in a lighthearted way.

• Be confident – Your toddler will pick up on your energy, so stay positive and let them know they’ll get it.

• Reassure them – Say, "You are going to be great at putting the poop in the potty!" This builds their confidence.

• Check their diet – Make sure they’re getting plenty of fiber and fluids to help with regular bowel movements.

• Schedule regular potty times – Don’t ask if they need to go; simply say, "It’s time to go potty," and establish a consistent routine.

• Support their feet – A step stool under their feet gives them a sense of security and makes pooping easier.

• Try blowing bubbles – This can help relax them and make the experience more fun.

• Handle accidents calmly – If they poop in their undies or during sleep (remember, diapers and pull-ups are for sleep times), stay calm. Say, "Let’s put this poop in the potty. You did it!" Let them help flush, and continue with, "You are going to be great at putting the poop in the potty. Let’s get cleaned up."

• Use triangulation – Let them overhear you telling others how great they’ll be at using the potty. Positive reinforcement from all angles works wonders!

Remember: you cannot make them poop on the potty – That’s not our job. Stay calm and say to yourself, "We are not worried; they will get it."

Above all, no stress and no forcing—just keep it positive, and they’ll get there when they’re ready!

I can’t take my toddler to the grocery store! Please help!

Grocery store: Handling a screaming toddler at the grocery store can be a challenge, but knowing your child's design can help you navigate this situation with confidence. By taking the free Toddler by Design quiz in the Knowledge Center, you'll better understand what works for your child. Additionally, check out the cheat sheet for grocery store tips in the back of the Moms on Call Toddler Book!

The truth is, they can get through the store without screaming—here’s how to set yourself up for success:

• Choose your grocery run wisely – Try to go right after nap time when they’re rested, and have a snack ready before entering the store. Keep the trip short; a two-hour grocery run is too much for most toddlers.

• Set expectations – Before you go in, confidently say, "You are going to be great at getting in the cart, strapping in, and helping me find everything on our list. Do you remember what’s on it?"

• Non-negotiable cart time – Getting into the cart and strapping in is non-negotiable. We have a "no free-roaming" policy to keep things smooth. Once they’re in the cart, involve them right away.

• Engage them – Distraction is key! Get them involved in the shopping process: “Can you help me find the yellow bananas? Where are those pesky green beans? Do you see them?” Keeping them busy and engaged reduces the chance of a meltdown.

• Handle screaming with calm confidence – If they start screaming, simply say, "We do not scream. I want you to help me find the next item." Acknowledge the behavior and redirect their attention back to the task at hand. Even if it gets loud, stay focused on getting what you need and do your best to make it through the store.

• Positive reinforcement – Once back in the car, remind them how great they did. "You did such a great job helping me in the grocery store. I love when you help me!" You can also calmly say, "You cannot scream in the store. I know you can help without screaming."

Confidence, involvement, and distraction are your best tools in the grocery store. By keeping things short, engaging them in the process, and reinforcing their helpfulness, you'll navigate these moments with ease!

My toddler is deliberately disobeying me. Please help!

When your toddler is deliberately disobeying and refusing to play by themselves, it’s important to remember that toddlers are still learning how the world works, including managing feelings and frustrations. This is all new to them! However, when they test boundaries—like looking at you, smiling, and touching the lamp after you’ve said no—it’s a clear sign they need guidance on how things work.

Here’s how to approach it, starting with a clear understanding of what we mean by "obey."

Defining “Obey”:

When we talk about “obey,” we simply mean listening and following through. As parents, we are the ones our toddlers should listen to, and it’s our job to keep them safe while teaching them how to manage their feelings and actions.

Step-by-Step Approach to Disobedience:

• State what you want them to do (or not do) – Be clear and calm.

• Tell them what you want them to do next – Redirect their attention to something positive or constructive.

• Explain what will happen if they don’t listen – Let them know the consequence calmly and clearly.

• Follow through and be trustworthy – When they disobey, ensure the consequence happens, and stay consistent.

Example:

"Do not touch the lamp. If you touch the lamp, you will go to ‘simmer time’ (or another name that you choose, like 'settle down time'). I want you to come here and help me pick up these blocks."

If they touch the lamp, calmly take them to their simmer time spot. After a moment, go in for the Moms on Call HUG moment—hug them, show your confident face, and give positive feedback. “I know you are going to be great at listening to Daddy. Let’s go play.”

How can I encourage independent play?

Encouraging Independent Play:

Getting your toddler to play by themselves takes time and patience, but here’s how you can encourage it:

• Create a dedicated space with 2-3 toy or activity options. Tell your toddler, "See if you can build me a tower with these blocks."

• Step back – Allow them to engage with the activity while you do something else, like emptying the dishwasher. If they demand your attention or throw a tantrum, say, "I want you to build your tower, and when I’m done emptying the dishwasher, I will come and help."

• Handle meltdowns calmly – If they continue to have a meltdown, move them to their simmer time spot. After they settle, go in for the hug moment and provide positive reinforcement.

Key Takeaways:

• Be confident in what you’re asking of them.

• State clearly what you want them to do.

• Give them space to figure things out without constant involvement.

• Follow through on consequences when needed, then reconnect with love and encouragement.

With time, consistency, and confidence, you’ll help your toddler understand boundaries and learn to play independently!